Well it's not the headlight relay, I'm pretty sure it's the retainer relay. It was pretty corroded, I found the pinout for the relay and used some leads across the pins and sure enough the lights popped on.
They work with the switch and everything. I rigged it up for now I'll post pics later (posting from phone now)
Edit: Here's what I ended up doing. As far as I can tell this wires the switch on the stalk directly to the relay. Only downside is the lights stay on after I open the door, but I usually turn them off manually anyway.
